I thought it would be a good idea to write this in the midst of my worst. I’ve been warding off severe anxiety for several days now. I’m not exactly sure why or where this is happening and coming from. But I do know that I feel awful. As in struggling with questioning what the point of life is. Are we all just meant to suffer? Until the bitter end? To have horrible gut ripping feelings until the bitter end? I can empathize with those who want to end it. However, I don’t think we want to end life. I think we just want the pain to stop. I think we want to feel less like failures and more like conquerors, handling it all like bosses.
But what happens along this journey when we’ve failed? When everything we’ve been working on comes crashing down, on fire, with all our hopes and dreams inside what we’ve worked with blood, sweat, and tears to build? What do we do when we think we’re on the right path and suddenly it becomes overwhelming impossible?
We hope. We have faith. The scripture that came to my mind was Philippians 1:6. We must have faith and certainty that He who began this great work in us will bring it to completion. It’s in these moments that I feel so weak and incapable. Like the job is never going to be complete. And quite honestly, I feel like I am never going to get this right. But for the first time ever, I feel hope. The Berean Bible version says to be persuaded of this very thing. Like, literally convincing ourselves in these moments that He is going to perfect it.
I keep hearing not to give up. To have faith and believe that He will come. That perfection doesn’t exist. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says faith, hope, and love remain. Receive love for yourself. Give love to others even when it feels impossible, and never give up through hope and faith. I’m feeling in this moment that this is all I have left to give. Faith & Hope. Because I realize and know what the alternative is based on previous experiences, I am open to it. I’m open to something different. Trying something different. Maybe it’s out of pure desperation, but I’m going to push through instead of giving up. I feel tragically hopeless. I think that’s when calling on something or Someone greater than us works. This video came at the right moment. Feel your feelings. Acknowledge them. Understand them and connect with yourself. Life is full of strife, but knowing what’s greater in you is freeing. You’re not alone. Realign and stay focused. Don’t obsess over the mistake.