Boundaries

Updated: Dec 16, 2020


Lately I’ve been hearing the word “boundaries” more and more. I am an empath, so I tend to want the best for people to the extent of sacrificing myself, my mental health, and my own resources. I so badly want to see others succeed that I do more than I should. I give more than the other end of the relationships’ fair share. I know for this next phase of my journey, I need to remove toxic people from my life.


So to qualify that comment of removing toxic people, I do not mean people who offend you. If you get offended easily and start cutting out of control like you’re Edward Scissorhands, slow down! The phrase has been overused and has become a license to think that just because someone says something you don’t like, doesn’t mean they are toxic and need to be gone. Sometimes it’s important to reflect and meditate on what they are saying.


In a recent situation, I had been friends with someone for a very long time before I realized this person no longer added value to my life. I often felt depleted and used by the end of my interactions with this person. And when I finally spoke up about my feelings, I was rejected. This was so painful to me, considering all those years of support for this friend financially and emotionally. Anytime this friend needed something, I was there. But when I needed support, I didn’t get the same reciprocity.


One day I decided I would stop coming to the rescue and sure enough, the conversations became less and less. I felt favor requests on the horizon with every message that started with, “Hi, how are you doing?” I saw lies and broken promises. I saw manipulation. Over years. It was as if someone had taken the blinders from my eyes this one day. I wanted this person in my life so I overlooked all the red flags. I finally became open to the truth. I finally made peace with the facts and did what needed to be done.


Lisa Nichols has been on auto-play and confirming everything I’ve been feeling about relationships. I have had confirmation and nudging from my intuition, while nursing old wounds and healing from all the hurt. This transition was not easy, but necessary. The very second I did it, I felt joy and freedom. But it also brought backlash and passive aggressiveness, which I completely prepared myself for anyway.


It’s so important to make sure you value yourself. Value your needs in relationships. Not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever, and that’s okay! I have learned to release detachment through this. I’ve learned not to let crazy people make me feel crazy. But to raise a shield for my spirit and my emotions. That this transition of relationships is good for me! I am ready to make room for healthy relationships where I’m feeling fulfilled and not undervalued. As women, we tend to meet everyone else’s needs first. We need to remember to fill our cups so that we can have enough to go around. There is a season for everything. Every thing. I’m learning to embrace the changes.